Letters – Gabriel Berm

I Don’t want what I never had

Who would’ve said that after being my one and only inspiration for everything ranging from life itself to writing and painting I would end up absolutely out of inspiration? You were the muse of my midnight tales and my watercolor paintings and now, you’re nothing but a memory. A memory not even strong enough to write a short verse or a poem that doesn’t rhyme. Even your lack of love meant dozens of hours of melancholic entertainment. Your lips aren’t the lips I once wondered how they would feel with mine. They just seem like anyone’s lips. Your eyes are not the mysterious constellation that trapped me and lift me to the heavens anymore. Your voice isn’t that sweet song that I used to listen carefully. The truth is that I don’t love you anymore, I don’t feel a thing for you anymore, but I somehow cherish that feeling you gave me. You gave me hope even if I already knew there wasn’t a chance. The idea of “you” made me wonder how it would be like to be by your side. Now I don’t care who’s by your side, I couldn’t care less if it were me or that guy you always talked about. I cherish how I felt, my heart is now full yet my life feels empty.

© Gabriel Berm

The Silence

Lingering in this comfortable but lethal silence gives me enough time to think about everything we could have been if my luck had been different…

In this silence lie my thoughts and desires. This silence is equal to the silence you gave me in response to the infinite love that I gave you. Lingering in this comfortable but lethal silence gives me enough time to think about everything we could have been if my luck had been different, all the fictional situations that will never happen, all the kisses I dreamed of, this silence invokes you to torment my mind and shake my already wounded feelings. When I think about you every fragment of my body is terrified, my thoughts and body alert me of imminent danger. You carry with yourself utter grief and absence of love. My heart slows its beats to go unnoticed, so you don’t retake it. My apparent calm breathing, false facial expressions, are all I have when the tiniest memory of your existence drills into my thoughts. My tears tell me that they are about to burst into a profound and sincere lament. But just by looking into your eyes all the security protocols in my body disappear, and I fall back into your dark tentacles that drag me into the depths of a mysterious abyss loaded with terror and agony. With each fake smile of yours, my body becomes unsteady, and I begin to lose my balance. My nerves are altered and start to move incessantly, revealing my weakness to your hypnotizing and evil powers. Losing all trace of serenity when I’m in your presence. When you leave, my entire being suffers a devastating catastrophe, everything is destroyed, you have looted all the love and stored it in your impenetrable vaults. Once again I have to rebuild everything, one memory at a time.