Categories
Short Stories

The Other Night in Piccadilly

“When did we stop doing that?” Charlie asked while pointing at a group of friends —probably not older than 20— drinking beer and laughing under the statue of Eros or well, as Charlie always obnoxiously pointed out, the Shaftesbury Memorial Fountain. “I’m sorry to inform you we’re not too young to be kids nor too old to be adults,” I said. “You’re such a granma Claire,” Charlie said. He stopped holding my hand to get a cigarette that he ended up choosing not to smoke, but rather throw into the tip jar of a guy singing Sinatra songs. We kept walking. Charlie’s plan was to go and eat something in Chinatown, I on the other hand simply wanted to get some takeout and eat it while watching whatever was on the TV at the moment. “Do you ever think about where you will be in 30 years?” He asked. “First, I don’t know if I’ll be alive or if there’s still a planet. Second, I would hope, settled, maybe with a family, not sure,” I replied. “You see? I would hope to be in the middle of Thailand taking street photography or in the Middle East eating some local food. There are so many things to do, places to be, people to know,” he said. For the record, Charlie has never been anywhere further than Birmingham, and it was by accident. “Since when do you want to do all of that, we’ve been together for 8 years and I’ve known you for 10,” I asked. In the past months, he’s been acting like his time is running out, as if he needed to do everything now. “Precisely, I’ve been the same Charlie forever. It’s been Charlie and Claire for God knows how long,” he said, not looking at me. “Eight years,” I noted. “Well yeah, eight years! That’s a kid in primary school,” he said. “You’re acting like it’s a bad thing we’ve been together for that long. I don’t have you tied up, you could’ve left,” I replied. “Could I? Could I, Claire? Eight years,” he said under his breath. I felt like crying, not entirely out of sadness but out of anger. “You’re such an idiot, Charlie,” I said aggressively wiping the tears off my face with my hand. “Perhaps it’s best if we…,” he said. “Perhaps,” I replied looking away. Charlie tried to reach for a hug but instantly regretted it. He kept walking, I turned around and walked in the other direction. I went back to the statue of Eros. One of the guys from the group shouted: hey you! Come with us. My first instinct was to ignore him and keep walking, but I didn’t want to go back home and explain to my mum everything that happened, so I turned around. As I was approaching them one of the girls said to the guy who shouted: don’t be an ass. “I won’t,” he said. “So, why are you crying, love?” He asked. “I don’t think she wants to talk about it Michael, shut up,” the girl said. “You’re right. Let’s drink to that,” Michael said while handing over a can of cheap beer. I opened it and chugged the whole thing. I hate beer. “Woah, I was not expecting that!” Michael said. “Are you from around here?“ she asked. “Yeah, Camden, my whole life,” I replied. She approached me and whispered in my ear: was that guy your boyfriend? “Yes, eight years,” I replied. “Men are such idiots,” she said. “Amen to that,” I replied. “I’m Katie by the way,” she said as she opened another can and handed me one. “I’d like to make a toast, to…—” Katie said while looking at me. “Claire,” I said softly. “— Claire. We often find and lose love at unexpected moments,” she ended. We sat around the fountain for what felt like an hour, I’d already had three beers on an empty stomach. We talked about politics, musicals, flamingos, and death. “I’ve got to go, my mum is probably worried about me,” I said simply wanting to go back home and cry my eyes out for hours listening to Taylor Swift or something. “Bakerloo line?” She asked. “Yeah, but then I’m taking Jubilee,” I said. “That’s alright,” she said. Katie said goodbye to Michael, she kissed him. “Text me when you’re home, love you,” he said. Michael stayed there with another guy to whom I didn’t talk to. We got to the station and boarded the train. “Was that your boyfriend?” I asked. “Yeah, we’ve been together since high school, I love that crazy man,” she replied. There was a moment of silence, the only thing we could hear was the rattling noise of the train and a group of — probably— lost Spanish tourists talking. “Do you know what hurts the most? That Cha—my stupid ex, virtually said that being eight years with me was somehow a bad thing, like a waste of time,” I said holding back my tears. “People who’ve been lucky for too long stop thinking they’re lucky and just think that’s how it’s supposed to be,” Katie said. “Baker Street,” the voice from the train said. We both got out. “It was lovely meeting you,” I said. “Me too,” she said. I walked towards platform 10 and she walked to another one. As I turned around to ask for her number or Instagram I could no longer see her.

© Gabriel Berm

Categories
Short Stories

Mamihlapinatapai

Walking toward a hot dog joint nearby campus, I saw Andrea running toward the bus stop. The bus was already leaving, and she knew it. Once, the bus left without her, I walked fast towards her. 

“Andrea?” I said.

“Craig! It’s been ages! How are you?” She said, surprised.

“Right now, probably better than you,” I joked.

She laughed a bit. She was holding three heavy-looking biology textbooks, and her glasses were barely touching the tip of her nose.

“This is the second time this week. Now I have to wait 45 minutes to an hour for the next one,” Andrea said rather annoyed.

“I’ll keep you company if you want,” I said, begging every deity for her to say yes.

“You don’t have to,” she said, embarrassed.

I was starving, but something inside me was telling me to stay. In all fairness, it might’ve been the three coffees I had in the morning.

We sat on the bus stop’s bench.

“How’s been everything? How’s Michael?” I asked.

“Alright, I guess…and we broke up a few weeks ago,” She replied with a sudden sense of disappointment filling her face.

“I’m sorry,” I said, feeling bad for the fact that I was sort of happy because of that.

“Yeah, It sucks people still can’t break up before they cheat,” Andrea said now with a lower voice.

“I know, right? What’s the need for being in a relationship if you’re gonna cheat anyway?” I said, thinking about my ex-girlfriend Claire.

“It’s going to sound like a cliché, but I don’t know if I want to be in a relationship again,” she said without looking at me.

I was starring at her face, so beautiful. I couldn’t help but think who in their right mind would cheat on her. She was not just extraordinarily beautiful, but smart, perhaps the smartest person I knew.

“We all say that,” I replied.

Her eyes were slightly red, and a couple of tears were sliding down her cheeks. I dried them with my thumb wrapped around the end of my hoodie’s sleeve. She looked at me. I slowly took my hand away from her face. 

“Perhaps it would’ve been different if we…” She said without finishing.

“Perhaps,” I said.

My eyes were lost in hers and hers in mine. I moved my body closer toward hers. She smiled. Andrea started moving her hands toward my chest and leveled my hoodie strings.

“You’ve always worn them unevenly,” she said and smiled.

She got closer to me. Our heads were inches apart. Then a hideous rumbling noise and the smell of diesel became part of the scene. Andrea did the longest blink ever. The bus’ door opened with a creaking sound. We stood up. I helped her pick up her books and handed them to her, our hands touched for a second. She looked at me, and I looked at her, we stood there for what felt like an hour. Our heads were as close as they have ever been, then we hugged. She got on the bus, and as the bus’s awful sounds were less and less present, I kept thinking what would’ve happened if we kissed.

Author’s Note:

According to Wikipedia, Mamihlapinatapai is a word derived from the Yaghan language from Tierra del Fuego. The word is listed by The Guinness Book of World Records as the “most succinct word.” The general understanding of the word is “A look that without words is shared by two people who want to initiate something, but neither start” or “looking at each other hoping that either will offer to do something which both parties desire but are unwilling to do.”

© Gabriel Berm

Categories
poesia Spanish (Español)

100 Years Ago

When love seemed to be in the cards
And I met your mom and dad
When I discovered the kiss
And you discovered me
When you liked my jokes
And your eyes were bright
It feels like 100 years ago
When I had someone to talk
And you called late at night
When you told me I wasn’t bad
Yet I still cried for you afterward
It feels like 100 years ago
When our love fell apart
And the tears were my fault
When you kissed him
And I spent months in sorrow
It feels like 100 years ago
© Gabriel Berm

Categories
Letters Uncategorized

I Don’t want what I never had

Who would’ve said that after being my one and only inspiration for everything ranging from life itself to writing and painting I would end up absolutely out of inspiration? You were the muse of my midnight tales and my watercolor paintings and now, you’re nothing but a memory. A memory not even strong enough to write a short verse or a poem that doesn’t rhyme. Even your lack of love meant dozens of hours of melancholic entertainment. Your lips aren’t the lips I once wondered how they would feel with mine. They just seem like anyone’s lips. Your eyes are not the mysterious constellation that trapped me and lift me to the heavens anymore. Your voice isn’t that sweet song that I used to listen carefully. The truth is that I don’t love you anymore, I don’t feel a thing for you anymore, but I somehow cherish that feeling you gave me. You gave me hope even if I already knew there wasn’t a chance. The idea of “you” made me wonder how it would be like to be by your side. Now I don’t care who’s by your side, I couldn’t care less if it were me or that guy you always talked about. I cherish how I felt, my heart is now full yet my life feels empty.

© Gabriel Berm

Categories
Uncategorized

I See You

I see you, and I feel you
You talk and with that, I lose my breath
Your life gives me aid
The words you said
They leave traces
and now I’m scared
I did not believe
That a chance with you I had
When indeed I didn’t have
My soul cries for a kiss
For a caress or for a verse
I get lost in your gorgeous eyes
As a tiny particle
In this broad universe
Unable to express to you
How exhausted I am to love you
Each tear bursts into a thousand pieces
Alluding to what my heart feels
Your coveted heart
Worth of being stolen
Stolen by the vilest of thieves
Who has gone ahead of me
And before me, took it
Leaving mine
Quite shattered

© Gabriel Berm

Categories
Letters

The Silence

Lingering in this comfortable but lethal silence gives me enough time to think about everything we could have been if my luck had been different…

In this silence lie my thoughts and desires. This silence is equal to the silence you gave me in response to the infinite love that I gave you. Lingering in this comfortable but lethal silence gives me enough time to think about everything we could have been if my luck had been different, all the fictional situations that will never happen, all the kisses I dreamed of, this silence invokes you to torment my mind and shake my already wounded feelings. When I think about you every fragment of my body is terrified, my thoughts and body alert me of imminent danger. You carry with yourself utter grief and absence of love. My heart slows its beats to go unnoticed, so you don’t retake it. My apparent calm breathing, false facial expressions, are all I have when the tiniest memory of your existence drills into my thoughts. My tears tell me that they are about to burst into a profound and sincere lament. But just by looking into your eyes all the security protocols in my body disappear, and I fall back into your dark tentacles that drag me into the depths of a mysterious abyss loaded with terror and agony. With each fake smile of yours, my body becomes unsteady, and I begin to lose my balance. My nerves are altered and start to move incessantly, revealing my weakness to your hypnotizing and evil powers. Losing all trace of serenity when I’m in your presence. When you leave, my entire being suffers a devastating catastrophe, everything is destroyed, you have looted all the love and stored it in your impenetrable vaults. Once again I have to rebuild everything, one memory at a time.

© Gabriel Berm

Categories
Uncategorized

Another Goodbye

Imagining that you would return to kiss me and I would feel those lips that were the closest form of perfection ever experienced.

That moment, that precise moment in which little by little our eyes start to open after the long dream of love. Only that countless times it hurts while opening them. Tho to many people it happens in a snap, to others, it is a much more tortuous process. Apparently, the grace to finally awake from the dream of love, full of arranged lies, contaminated kisses and rehearsed hugs, at the end has to hurt. At least you have to experience some pain, a little or a lot, that is irrelevant, but it must hurt. To see that person whom I believed to be perfect and in spite of seeing her entirely in a physical way, or why not, perfect in general, that pain in your chest that increases in quantity and strength with each heartbeat. To see from another point of view the stage where everything ended and to think that what I could have done while every tear slides down the cheeks as a growing pain penetrates the deepest of my feelings. Remember all those moments of joy and not be able to avoid wanting to repeat them, remember the day we met and feel how much in love you used to be. Feel like the world falls piece by piece to the compass of every minute passing away from it. Create a feeling of happiness and consolation to believe that ending it was for the best when my heart does not cease to shout for it to return and in the form of protest the eyes begin to shed tears by someone who will never return. Many wish to forget, but sometimes it is better to remember without feeling that sensation of agony that annihilates every trace of delight and happiness. To lie down in bed and remember the happiest day of the relationship and wish for it to last forever. Noticing how everyone laughs with ease and I don’t stop thinking about that person who made every day, night, week and month worth living for. Looking at the calendar and fix the look on our anniversary, without being able to avoid many other tears pour. Sleeping every day knowing that I won’t receive a “good morning” message when I wake up and get home without waiting for a call asking about my day. Listening to songs that once seemed to describe that particular person and now they are nothing but lyrics with a rhythm that burst in the heart and pierces it like thorns. To see those photographs that we took together and to know that they’re nothing but a testimony of what we used to have, that instead of provoking a smile those photos cause a persistent pain, a feeling of anguish and solitude. Imagining that you would return to kiss me and I would feel those lips that were the closest form of perfection ever experienced. Remembering those eyes that exhibit a soul that seemed to match with mine. Wanting to forget all of that to stop suffering, to exterminate all memories of her and as if nothing had happened to see how the heart starts to function in a fully natural way. To hope that our paths have never been intertwined in order prevent all this affliction, to forget every kiss, every caress, every hug and every word. But sometimes we want things, but they’re not always what actually favors us, and life will not intervene for us. Having to face the pain, the misfortune, the sadness and every tear until there comes the point where she is just someone else across the store, and there, right there, I’ll be entirely happy. Maybe eventually someone else will come into my life to whom I will have to recite all these words while my voice breaks and everything starts again.

© Gabriel Berm

Categories
Uncategorized

Without You

You have reasons not to love me and I love them, just as I love you.

It’s a new feeling, without expecting it, I can feel like a little tear slips down my cheek, in this tear, are you. Every cubic inch of you is in this small tear. With each tear my soul begins to purify itself, it begins to cleanse all the feelings that I feel for you, one drop at a time. My sad heart beats unselfishly as my hands shake. Dilemma invades my thoughts. Wishing for what never happened, accompanied by tears composed of something more than water and glucose. Dying for a kiss, a word, a sign of affection. Within me the memories that I have with you burst, while I feel like with every minute that I am not with you, my heart desires to stop beating. You have reasons not to love me, and I love them, just as I love you. The old habit of imagining that there might be something between us. You are like a miracle, so unlikely that you begin to doubt its existence. I could ramble for a whole year hooked on those beautiful brown eyes that are just above a perfect nose, making a perfect match with the fine hair that covers your head, back, and shoulders. I placed my soul on offer, and you did not accept it. There it will stay in the windowpane of broken hearts, waiting for a buyer. Our paths crossed for nothing more than a passing friendship. My desire to have your travels by train to the heartbreak avenue. I offered you a castle, my heart that needs to be ruled by a princess will be left without a ruler. Death comes by because of the sound of sadness that my whole being screams knowing that I will never be with you. My feelings are overshadowed by your simple existence. While my eyes reveal a sense of pure sadness and indefinite love. Every time I close my eyelids, my heart speeds up because there you are. Awakening, the first image that comes to my mind is one of yours. I know I’m not enough for someone of your worth, but without you, I’m like a saint without paradise or like a ship without a captain. I am as sad as a dog abandoned for decades or as a thought derived from some possible situation that never happened. Until always, I love you.

© Gabriel Berm

Categories
Uncategorized

My Greatest Error

Perhaps it was senseless to me to believe in what my passionate eyes told me and what my heart, drunk with love, indicated me.

Maybe my mistake was to be the best person I could’ve been, to open myself completely to you, to reveal my deepest secrets, my greatest desires, to be faithful to you, to listen to you when you needed it, to think all day about ways to make you happy and at night to dream about you, hoping that it would never end, figure a future with you, rarely thinking of doing something in which you were not included, succumb myself in your eyes and fall in love with your smile with every minute that passed, listen to ridiculous love songs and not be able to avoid thinking about you. It may be that my mistake has been to be for you when you need me, regardless of the time or day. Also, my mistake might have been the fact that at some point I actually believed you loved me as much as you told me, to think that love could be more than just a temporary illusion. Be willing to go to the end of the world for you. Now I know that losing you was not to be left with nothing but to lose it all. That my greatest nightmare was to imagine the moment when we would no longer be together. It could also be that my big mistake was to put you like the most treasured thing in my life and very foolishly believe that it would never end and that it would not hurt as much as it hurts now. To think about what we used to be and without being able to avoid it, feel like every tear makes a slow and tragic journey into loneliness, lack of love and melancholy. Trying to think of anything but you, but forget that for me you were everything and, sorrowfully, everything reminds me of you. Blindly love you as newborn loves life, thinking that you could somehow be the one. Supposing you were incapable of hurting me and especially, that something could hurt me as much that you did. Perhaps it was senseless to me to believe in what my passionate eyes told me and what my heart, drunk with love, indicated me. Dream every night about you just to feel you closer, wishing for your kisses when you were not with me, and show off the world that I was with you. The most likely significant error was to believe every lie that I swallowed without even questioning it, to believe that everything would be okay and that at the end of the tunnel there was a light, when in fact the only light was you. Getting excited with every call and with every letter I received of yours. Now that I see you more and more, but still can’t hear me, to see how with each passing day everything is forgotten and as if all began again. Starting to feel some small signs of happiness that with fear of being annihilated by someone else come out little by little and starts to multiply, when suddenly you come back to my mind, and those small signs of happiness become misery, agony, and sadness. The tears get back to work, and the heart collapses again on its own ruins, with every memory of you, my body protests and feels powerlessness, almost on the verge of grief, believe that maybe, just maybe everything could become whole again. Still, that does not reassure the incessant attacks of despair that overrun me, to know that you are happy to be without me shatters my already crushed heart. Not wanting to know anything about you and wanting with all my strength to escape from this world to make sure I never see you again, becomes more and more difficult, I don’t want to see you, I don’t want to cry, I don’t want to suffer but one thing is to want, and another very different is having the ability to actually do it, one is before the other, who knows, maybe I will, but that will not keep me from writing these words, so I do not despair and allow your presence to take over me. Maybe my mistake was to love you more, but first of all, it was to love you.

© Gabriel Berm

Categories
Uncategorized

There She Was

I felt the heat of a thousand suns when I heard her frail voice…

And there she was, sat a few feet away from me, with those deep brown eyes and her characteristic charming smile. So close that I could swear I was able to smell her perfume. So close but incalculably far away, almost unreachable. Her beauty trapped me immediately, I was able to see in her what others couldn’t. My eyes placed over her but my mind rambled for the great and poorly explored valley of love. I was able to feel my heart beating harder and longer with every second. Being completely lost, she turned her head, and when she saw me our eyes met, I felt how my heart stopped for a few moments because I wasn’t able to handle her grace. That profound and sincere sight, that she owns is just marvelous. Every inch of my body shouted to go after her. As I was getting closer, slowly and carefully with the idea not to make a wrong impression, I’m astonished because each step I made towards her, the more beautiful she looked, I felt the heat of a thousand suns when I heard her frail voice. Now I could really smell her perfume, but even though I was just a few feet away from her, we were unimaginably far away. I could fill a book with everything that passed through my mind the moment I saw her. We were talking for few minutes, I couldn’t believe it. Marveled by her, I leave with a feeling that a lot of people say they’ve felt, but just a few really have. Simply by imagining her, instantly makes my heart beats stronger and I get lost in memories that will never happen.

© Gabriel Berm